For those that read my blog last week, you have in all likelihood been thinking about all the things you tell yourself and further, have discovered how those thoughts are affecting your business and/or personal life.
As mentioned last week, there is a scientific process to not only greatly reduce this ‘internal chatter’, but in some cases, eliminate the ‘chatter’ completely. These four steps are based on research and implementation by George Dudley, from Baylor University and Shannon Goodson, from Lamar University. Their research has formed the foundation of the majority of courses on how to stop the career-limiting self-talk.
Step 1: Slow Down. The big question is how? You start by talking to yourself the way you always do and make some very important observations. These observations include: what your imaginary voice sounds like? How loud is it? What is the tone? If others could hear it, what would others say it sounds like?
After making those observations, go back to talking to yourself, but this time make your voice one octave lower. Three things will happen; your pace will slow down; your words become very clear and you see the pictures associated with the words become clearer.
As a trigger, when you start to talk to yourself, lightly bite the tip of your tongue and say to yourself: “I bite my tongue for others, it’s time for me to bite my tongue for me.”
Step 2: Listen. Since you have slowed down and now can hear the words go a step further and ‘listen’ to the words. I have done blogs on the difference between hearing and listening and you now know what the big difference is. By ‘listening’ to the words you can now go to the filters discussed last week and pinpoint why you may be saying the things you are. Once that knowledge is acquired, then you are more prepared to deal with it.
Step 3: Replace. We have reached the pivotal point in the process, by replacing the negative self-talk with the results you want to see. In business, one phrase we tend to tell ourselves is something in the realm of: “I need everyone to like me or I am a failure.” I am sure we have all said it enough times to make it a statement of fact and therefore when rejected, we think of ourselves as failures.
If we now replace the career-limiting mantra with: “If they say ‘no’, it’s not because of ME as a human, but rather, my role as a business person.” By doing this small mind-shift, you are taking the pressure off yourself and who you are and placing on one of the many roles you play every day. There is nothing personal in rejection in this case. It is not you. It is the present needs of the client.
Therefore, instead of: “They don’t like me.” You have instead; “Well, there is no need today, but it may change in six months.” How you talk to yourself, before, during and after makes all the difference in your success.
Step 4: Apply. This is and always will be the step which baffles me the most. You are given the tools, the steps and the rationale to take yourself to a higher level, but what happens? “This will never work for me.” What is it? Career-limiting self-talk.
Bite the tip of your tongue. Listen to the words and decide what filter, or filters you are attributing to those particular words and then replace it with: “Sounds logical. I need to give it a chance.”
You are the person who tells yourself who you are. Therefore, the only thing we need to ask is: “Who are you?”